what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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