My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
