I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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