I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
