So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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