I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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