Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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