Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
