I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
