my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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