The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
