So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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