I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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