this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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