i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
