I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, beer. Big fan.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
