Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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