he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
