haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
