I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
