we have officially lost it.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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