Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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