Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just puked most of my soul out..
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