And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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