Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Even my vagina gasped.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
