easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
