just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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