She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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