dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
