You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
