just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
