Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
