He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
