Your face is a jimmy john
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
