Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
