Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
