She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
