Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
