So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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