i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
