I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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