i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
