well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
