Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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