why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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