Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
