Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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