Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
