I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
