Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
