Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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