When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
