i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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