Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
