Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did i walk over a car last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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