Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do I say “I have great tits†without it sounding awful
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
