when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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