waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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