Just fell off a train. Bad.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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