Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
