I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
