the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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