Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
