as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
