a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
