No stitches, just platelets and will power
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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