Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize