She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have aggressive nipples.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
