Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
