I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
