YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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