I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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