I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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