i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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