Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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