so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need water and some morals
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
