Yo dont text me then not text me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
