I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
