why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
